


A Day in the Life~ January 2018

by ERamos9696, happy29



Series: A Day in the Life [7]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-06 11:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 9,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13410177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ERamos9696/pseuds/ERamos9696, https://archiveofourown.org/users/happy29/pseuds/happy29
Summary: Follow Steve and Danny through daily text message exchanges as we continue this journey of their life together. Let's see how they navigate the daily obstacles of raising a family while juggling work, their relationship and their own demons.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to a new year everyone!!! We are excited to continue this daily exchange between Danny and Steve and are trying very hard to keep it canon compliant while adding our own twists and turns along the way to keep each other on our toes. Here is to a new year!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny has an off day...


	3. Chapter 3




	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny has had enough and Steve spills the beans...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a night out for the McGarrett-Williams boys and Nahele breaks Steve's current case wide open...

January 5th, 2018

2:35 am

I’m wide awake after nightmares of dying have ripped me from sound sleep once again. This time it isn’t just me dying, it’s Steve as well. The nightmare has me bouncing back and forth between the quarantine room and the co-pilot seat of that plane, Steve trying to save me and then me trying to save him without killing myself in the process. Who the fuck cares about the backseat driving drug dealer. Back and forth, back and forth…

It has been a long time since I have been this angry at Steve. Probably since I gave him half my liver and he barely batted an eye like it was nothing. His attitude about my sacrifice has since changed to one of sincere gratitude. Maybe he always felt that way but just didn’t know how to show it without feeling like less of a man.

What do I know?

It didn’t make my situation with Rachel any better that’s for damn sure, when I gave up half my liver for him. She is still furious with me for thinking of him over myself and the kids. She just doesn’t see it the way I do. He had weaved himself into my life so tightly that if he would have died, a part of me would have died as well. I didn’t want any kind of recognition for what I did either. I simply couldn’t have handled it if he died, if he wasn’t an ever-constant fixture in my life. I don’t know what I would have done without him. I think he finally understood what he meant to me and that I would do anything in my power to not have him taken from me, to always have him a part of my life.

His obsession to protect me from myself and everything around me finally hit my last nerve today when I was filling up his pill container and discovered his dose was different.  I’m confused and then instantly angry, thinking something has changed and he didn’t bother telling me. My head gets what he is saying about not telling me important information until my body has healed and I can physically and emotionally handle the news, but my heart is not on the same page as him and the doctors.

I’ve had enough. I can’t take it anymore and it has to stop.

For a split second, I felt like the carpet had been ripped out from under my feet when Steve told me Sarah worked for Joe. Not what I was expecting him to say when he told me there were other things I needed to know. No wonder she was always here and never left. No wonder she was always on duty at the hospital. She was assigned to keep an eye on me. Just so happens she’s also a nurse. How Joe got her into the hospital is beyond me. I don’t even want to know. Joe White of all people has taken it upon himself to keep an eye on us and make sure there is no additional threat towards me or our family. Like Steve said it is probably his way of making up for all the ways he has wronged Steve in the past.

At first, I was pissed that Steve didn't tell me right away about Sarah and the men Joe had positioned watching our house, the men watching my parents and Mary.

God.

Angry, frustrated, furious. My blood was boiling. But my anger wasn’t really directed at Steve, more at the situation we found ourselves in. I love him with everything I have. I can’t seem to get him to understand how difficult this is for me not knowing who that guy is and from what part of my life I should know him from. My only conclusion is that he’s just as scared about uncovering the answer as I am.

This no sleep thing is starting to take its toll. I’m feeling nauseated, a little dizzy. In hindsight, I should have taken a sleeping pill. But with everything else I’ve been ordered to take- antibiotics, pain meds, vitamins… I don’t want to swallow one more fucking pill than I have to.

The nightmares remind me I’m still alive. 

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

January 6th, 2018

4:25 am

I am physically sick over the case Steve had with the two dead runaways that were murdered by a counselor at the shelter. Nahele broke the case wide open and practically solved it for Steve. Our boy’s night out with him and Charlie bowling turned into a nightmare when he realized he recognized one of the people he had seen on our media table in the office when we had lunch with Steve.

This piece of shit was a witness giving up names of more runaways to question in the deaths of two runaways that were found murdered. Turns out he was giving kids favors in return for sexual favors. It makes my blood boil to even think people are capable of this kind of horror. Even more so knowing that his wife was involved. There is a special place in hell for people that hurt and abuse kids.

I couldn’t even fathom how we would have coped had something happened to Nahele. The conversation Steve and I had with him was the hardest conversation I have ever had in my life. My stomach was in knots in fear that he had been abused as well. Thank God, he was never touched. If the guy hadn’t killed himself, the coward’s way out, I would have killed him myself and Steve would have helped me hide the body. I’m thankful that is a horror that Nahele was spared.

I woke up tangled up with Steve on Nahele’s couch and had this overbearing need to check on Grace and Charlie. I know they are safe in our house, with Joe’s people watching from wherever they are, but I needed to see my babies with my own two eyes. Need to watch them breath and sleep and know that they are safe.

We have counseling with Gail today and that poor woman… God the stuff she has had to help us navigate our way through this past seven months. She is amazing, always knows what to say to help us understand each other better and to help us through the struggles that we still face on a regular basis. I’m so thankful for her and everything she had done for us, for every argument she has helped us wade through, for every issue she has helped us see the other’s point of view beside our own.

I never gave Rachel and my marriage a fighting chance. To this day I don’t know why. I loved her. No that’s not true. I fought for a long time. But when she suggested counseling to help us sort through our problems, I took that as a personal attack that the problem was solely me. I know that wasn’t the case, our problems came from both of us.

When Steve asked me to marry him and I finally said yes. I wasn’t going to let my own hang-ups with relationships ruin our marriage. I love him. More than I loved Rachel. I will always have a special place in my heart for Rachel, even with all the grief she has given me over the years over the two kids because she gave me those two kids. And in a weird twisted round about way of thinking, if it weren’t for her taking Grace and moving to what I used to refer to as this pineapple infested hell hole, I would have never met Steve.

And speaking of Steve, I need to get back to him and crawl back under that blanket on Nahele’s couch. I need to feel his heart beating underneath the palm of my hand. I need to feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathes. I need to be able to touch him and know that as a family, we are all together and we are all safe.

I’m not much of a religious person. I believe God exists and that we are all here for some purpose, although I still haven’t figured out what mine is yet. But I thank Him for the many blessings he has bestowed upon me, I thank Him for keeping my family safe. I thank Him that Nahele was untouched. I thank Him that I have a second chance at life.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is everyone enjoying the addition of the journal entries?

January 7th, 2018

8 am

 

I swear some days Steve and I are so far apart in our thinking that we aren’t on the same page, not even in the same book, hell even different libraries for that matter. He’s so fucking confusing with all the mixed signals that he sends me. All I wanted last night was to feel connected to him again, to feel like ‘us’ again. Not husband and the poor schmuck who got himself shot and can’t function by himself. God because that’s what it feels like day in and day out.

I just want to feel like myself again. To have some form of control over my own life again.

It sounds like I’m ungrateful for everything Steve and the kids, Sarah, Joe, Lou and the rest of the team have done for me to help get me healthy again. I’m not though. I’m so thankful for all of them. But until you’re on the opposite side of that caring, nobody understands how suffocating it is for me. I need to be allowed to make some decisions. If I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to fucking eat. Which that in of itself makes me sound selfish. I want to get better, I do. But dammit I want to have some say in the matter.

I thought I had finally convinced Steve I was a go, physically able and wanting to have sex again without thinking I was going to die from the exertion of it. Thought we were on the same page with the way he was talking, ‘I’ve got a hot date.’ And then tells me he’s going to tell Sarah everything we do. What the fuck is that all about? I don’t care if she’s my nurse or not, what we do in the privacy of our bedroom should stay between us. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with his thinking. So, I go to bed trying not to be mad, but still mad, but trying to convince Steve I’m not mad. Which I agree is all kinds of wrong, but I just can’t win… and it’s not even about winning or coming out on top.

God… why can’t things go back to the way they were?

So, I wake up and try to put that foul mood behind me. I’m going to offer to go get groceries and see if I get shot down with, ‘you’re not ready or it will take too much out of you, let me go instead.’

Grandma Williams always told me…

_‘Today is a new day.’_

 

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

__


	8. Chapter 8

January 8th, 2018

7am

I’m beyond happy. To finally be intimate with the man I love, there is no other feeling than pure contentment. God to feel the weight of him on top of me again and know that I’m not going to suffocate. I can’t put it into words. I still can’t breathe the best, but it is a hundred times better than it was even a few days ago. God bless Sarah and her relentless breathing exercises.

The slow slide of him pushing in and pulling out so carefully at first, just about drove me crazy. He acted as if I was going to break or he was going to hurt me in some way, like it was our first time together. He was so gentle, and I swear, he thought I was going to break into a million pieces.

Steve knew what I needed. The intimacy that comes with physical contact. We touch each other every day, but this is a different kind of intimate. Slow and steady that turns needy and desperate in a matter of seconds. That explains just about every time we make love.

I didn’t last long. Steve knew I wouldn’t. But I lasted just long enough to have my desire for him fulfilled. It had been too long, and I couldn’t handle it anymore. The week in quarantine, add in almost another week in the hospital, followed by recovering time at home with a nurse constantly at my side. I had reached my limit.

And Steve knew in order to get me out of my own head… _we had to break a few rules._

I was ready and willing. And so was he, even if it was only to get me to shut the hell up.

And we will not be telling Sarah.

 


	9. Chapter 9

January 9th, 2018

7:10 am

I’m laying here awake, knowing that Steve is off swimming with Nahele already, but missing him and longing for the warm body beside me. Where the man finds the energy first thing in the morning to swim miles is beyond me. Everyone is wired differently, and I’m wired to not be a morning person. I’m glad he and Nahele get this time to do some one on one bonding. It’s important. I kind of miss the mornings sometimes when it was just Gracie and me when I first moved here. She’d crawl into bed with me early Saturday morning on that pathetic pull out couch I had, and it would just be us. The world outside that tiny apartment was shut out and it was just my little Monkey and me. Nothing else mattered. It was our time to share and catch up on our week apart.

Life is so different now. Good different and I wouldn’t change any of it, but I miss the one on one with Gracie. If it weren’t for her, none of this would exist. I wouldn’t be where I am today in my life with Steve and Charlie and Nahele. If it weren’t for Grace, I’d still be in New Jersey… and I wouldn’t have this amazing life full of people that love me unconditionally.

So, Sarah called me an idiot and smacked me upside the head. I can live with that. Making love to Steve after so long was totally worth the long- winded lecture from my body guard nurse.

The get-well card from Doris, not so much. Why I let her get under my skin is beyond me. It makes me ache for my own mother and it makes my heart break for Steve because even though my ma loves him beyond words, there is no replacement for your own mother and his is a void that can’t be filled. Her way of making things right, only makes things worse. Instead of knocking on the door and asking how I am, she has to be sneaky and slip a get-well card, three weeks after the fact mind you, into our mailbox. What normal person does that? I don’t think Doris even knows what normal is and it makes me wonder about her childhood. I’d ask Steve but I’m sure he would be pretty tight lipped about the subject. All things considered, I don’t blame him.

I'm trying to keep my mood level and positive today but I feel that ever present weariness creeping in already. All too often since the shooting, I've found myself drifting down that that dark hole and as hard as I try not pull anyone along with me, Steve is usually the one to suffer from my ever present mood swings. I've got to get a grip on this soon. We go see Dr. K today and that has me nervous. I'm not sure what to expect. I'm feeling better, but at the same time, it doesn't take much to wear me out. 

I hear laughter downstairs and the unmistakable giggle of my little girl that isn’t so little anymore. Time to rise and shine... or just rise.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day that goes sideways...

January 10th, 2018

6am

I hear Steve and the kids laughing. How in the world he got Gracie out of bed to swim with him and Nahele two days in a row is beyond me? It must be some kind of super power he possesses. I’m awake earlier than I normally am unless it’s one of those days when I can’t sleep.

Doctor Keller has given me the okay to go back to work. No field work yet which suits me just fine because I know if I had to chase after someone I wouldn’t get very far at all. The idea has me a little on edge this morning and has Gracie over the top with anxiety. I thought I was a worrier. I promised her I would text at the top of every hour and let her know I’m okay. To say I was shocked when he told us that at my appointment yesterday is an understatement. I thought surely he would make me stay home a couple more weeks to build up my strength and let my lung heal a little more. I guess I was wrong.

It is going to feel strange and familiar all at the same time. Strange because if the team gets called, I will have to stay behind. Familiar in the sense that it’s what I’ve done for the past eight years and I really miss being with Steve in the office. For all the arguing we do on a regular basis, I wouldn’t pick another partner. I know he has my back.

I’m going to get up, drink a really strong cup of coffee, take a deep breath and tackle this day head on. I will not let my fears get the better of me.

I’m stronger than my worst nightmare.

 

 

January 10th, 2018

10:15 pm

I’ve been watching Steve sleep for a while now. The tension and stress from the hellish day are still evident in the tiny lines around his eyes. I haven’t seen him cry very often but when he does, I’m the only witness. I knew the moment he stepped under the spray of the shower and closed his eyes, dropping his head forward, that he was going to lose it. All I could do was stand behind him and hold him tight and allow him to let it all out. Let it all go. He sobbed for what seemed like an eternity before he managed to collect himself. What I wouldn’t give to take away that pain and burden that is weighing him down. He was right when he said the day went sideways. Way sideways. And he blames himself. I haven’t figured out yet how to convince him it isn’t his fault.

When he finally got home and came through the front door, I could see the moment some of the tension receded when Charlie ran across the living room screaming ‘ _Daddy’s home!_ ’ at the top of his lungs. I’m no therapist, but I would say that was just what the doctor would have ordered. The weariness that clouded Steve’s features was replaced with a genuine smile for our little boy. Steve dropped his bag at the door and scooped Charlie up into his strong arms so effortlessly. I thought he was going to squeeze the air out of Mini-Me, not that Charlie minded. Steve’s arms around Charlie were secure but also so gentle. Charlie giggled as they swapped Eskimo kisses, apparently that is their little thing because when I tried it one night he said I was doing it wrong and we came up with our own version.

Gracie was at the dining room table declaring war on her history essay and I could see the tension melt from her body when she heard Steve come in the door. She’s a worrier. Gets it honestly from me. Steve made his way across the living room to where she is seated at the dining room table, Charlie still tucked tightly in his arms. He gives her the same genuine smile he offered Charlie before he leans over and kisses the top of her head. _‘I love you, Gracie,’_ and her cheeks blush.

Nahele is by the other side of the table rummaging around in his backpack for some lost item that he swears is in there somewhere. He’s been looking for ten minutes and I keep fighting the urge to go dump the bag on the table so he can finally find whatever item it is that has become misplaced. Steve walks over to him, puts his hand under Nahele’s chin, drawing his attention away from the backpack so they can make eye contact. He leans down and kisses him on the cheek, whispering ‘ _I love you, Son,’._ Nahele smiles from ear to ear and I hear him say _‘I love you too, Dad.'_  That smiles quickly fades and he asks, _'Is everything okay?’_ Steve offers Nahele a smile, before walking over to me as I’m standing in the doorway watching my family and plants a kiss on my lips. Charlie busts out with the giggles again and Steve locks eyes with me. _‘It is now’_ he tells Nahele.

The kids don’t know the details of the day, will never know the details of the day if we have anything to do with it. All I know right now as I’m still watching Steve sleep is that my family is safe and under one roof and Steve is the reason that is possible.

He’s going to catch a lot of grief for today’s events I just need him to know that I have his back. His team has his back.

I’ve forgotten about my own issues for the time being. Going back to work today was unexpected but Dr. K thought I was ready. I’m not sure I was ready for the mess that the day became. But it’s all good.

One day at a time.


	11. Chapter 11




	12. Chapter 12




	13. Chapter 13

 

January 13th, 2018

10:15 pm

It sometimes amazes me how quickly Steve can fall asleep. How easily he can shut his brain down and just drift off to sleep. He has his head on the corner of my pillow, arm draped across my waist and he's out like a light. It also amazes me how one sentence can turn our day upside down in a flash. I unintentionally upset him and then he called me a jerk. Which going back over our messages I guess it didn't come across as I was intending. I in no way was implying he wasn't doing his job as these kids' father. 

Steve is a fantastic dad. Doesn't give himself enough credit. But this job of ours, God... sometimes it gets in the way and I hate it. I hate that it takes us away from time with the kids, I hate that it puts us in danger on a regular basis. I'd never admit this to Steve because I'm always telling him I'm not old, but I think I've aged ten years this last year.

And Lord only knows what is going on with that daughter of mine. This little spat between her and Will seems so ridiculous to me but to her, her world is ending. I wish she had a better relationship with Rachel. She talks to Mary which is great, but I always thought girls were supposed to have this bond with their moms. I know Stella and Bridget had some sort of secret language with our mom.

And speaking of Mary, I love her to pieces. But I think people forget how much of Charlie's life I've already missed out on. I'm trying not to make a big deal about him spending the day with her because she loves him and he's Joanie's best buddy...

I just can't go there...

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

January 14th, 2018

10:30 pm

I am exhausted but yet I can't seem to fall asleep. Insomnia wins again. Steve was right, I shouldn't have gone out in the field today. I should have let him handle the situation. But when Will called and I couldn't get ahold of Steve, I had to go and make sure I had Lou's back. He's had mine so many times in the past few months and I owed him. We didn't really do anything but stand there and listen and even that took its toll on me. I tried to hide the fatigue by sitting down, but Steve saw it for what it really was. Apparently the subtle rubbing of my chest to soothe the sore spots wasn't as subtle as I had thought. Steve read that one right as well. He had every right to be upset with me. I broke the doctor's orders. But I would do it again.

Tonight we went to Grover's and I cooked them dinner. A small token to show them how much we care about them as part of our extended family. After the events of the day unfolded and I heard about Lou's past, I needed him to know that Steve and I were always there for him and his family. I pray that neither Steve nor I ever get to that point where we feel that is our only way to get peace. Lou seems okay now and I hope that he knows that he can always talk to either one of us.

We go to work and we never know what we are going to see unfold in our day. I think I would almost take a gang of drug dealers that were shooting at us over an unstable guy sitting in a parked car with a gun to his head. At least with the drug dealers you know what to expect.

Score one for the good guys today. Lou is my new hero.

 


	15. Chapter 15

 

January15th, 2018

10:00 pm

Steve did his best today to distract me from the fact that Charlie will be six tomorrow and how I've missed out on half of his life because of Rachel. I still am shocked that she lied to me for all those years. All of those years that I will never get back. I never even held him as a baby or toddler when I would stop to pick up Grace. The one and only time was at the hospital when he was born. I'll cherish that memory forever. Rachel never once asked me to hold him for her or get him out of the crib or playpen. And she knew, she fucking knew all along he was mine and yet she still robbed me of all of those memories. It still eats at me and Steve knows it, probably why he was trying so hard to distract me today with pulling the car off the road and practically attacking me. Not that I wasn't happy to comply once he stuck his tongue in my mouth, and it worked... for a while anyway. 

One of these days I'm going to ask Rachel if she would have ever told me. I don't know why I need to know, I just do. At the same time though, I dread her answer. Because this life we have now... it might not have been. And if Grace had been a match... she probably wouldn't have told me then either. I don't know why I keep beating myself up over this. He's mine, he's a part of my life now and that's all that matters. It took him a while to warm up to me, to let me hold him and it was strange for both of us. I never really thought about it before now, but Rachel robbed him as well. It was almost  6 months before he called me Daddy. That is one memory Rachel can never take away.


	16. Chapter 16

 

January 16th, 2018

9:45 pm

Open mouth insert foot... the only person I haven't upset today has been the birthday boy. Rachel was upset first thing this morning when she called and asked if we would have dinner with her and the kids. Upset because I didn't want to take a stroll down memory lane with her. I don't really want to be reminded yet again and certainly not on Charlie's birthday how much of his life I've missed. I don't want to be reminded of the good times we had together back in Jersey or the moments we shared when I thought we had a chance at making it work between us again, resulting in Charlie. I don't want to be reminded of any of that because I have Steve now and I'm not about to screw that up because she still has a thing for me, whatever that thing may be.

Steve was upset I didn't tell him we were bringing Charlie home with us and I can't figure out for the life of me why it bothers him I didn't tell him. I thought he would be happy, which he was. Then Stan was upset because we were having dinner with Rachel but appreciated the fact that I called him and told him he could skype Charlie when we got home. The man was a father to that little boy for three years... it's still hard for me to let him be a part of his life but I know it isn't his fault either and I would be devastated too if I were him to be told after three years that Charlie wasn't mine. I at least get the rest of his life. Stan now only gets when I let him have Charlie and Grace... I've missed so much of his life I want to be selfish and keep him to myself. But I know that's not fair.

Sarah popped in the office and did a quick follow up to see how I was doing. Passed with flying colors and go see Dr. K on Monday to be released. That idea kinda scares me that I'm not ready yet. But it's also been eating me alive not to be at Steve's side in the field. Neither Grace or Rachel are happy with that idea and both have expressed their very vocal opinions on how they think I'm not ready, I shouldn't even be in the office yet and how I still need to take it easy. Steve is all for it.

And then with one sentence, I've managed to piss off Steve yet again. I can't win with him today. I bought an extra bike for our house and he flipped out. I didn't think it was something that needed his input. I didn't think he would care I did it without asking him. God was I wrong. I get that he wants to be involved in the little decisions. I guess I either overthink things or don't think them all the way through. Lately there seems to be no happy medium when it comes to me.

Charlie is in kindergarten and as we were getting ready for bed and tucking him, kissing him goodnight I had an idea. I asked Steve if he would write a letter to Charlie to open on his 18th birthday or when he graduates. I'm going to write one as well. Telling him how much I love him and how much I love Steve for picking us to spend his life with. It takes a special kind of person to step in and get involved with someone when they already have kids. But Steve, he loves these two kids as if they were his own flesh and blood. Same goes for the way I feel about Nahele. I love him just as much as I love my own.

I guess, at the end of the day that is all that matters. 

Happy Birthday Mini-Me, Danno loves you.

 

Letter from Steve to Charlie

 

My Baby Boy,

I can hear you gasping right now telling me not to call you that.  Yes, I can see the future.  Your father asked me to write you this letter for you to open on the day of your graduation from high school.  Nahele graduates in a few months and Danno is going to start having a hard time with that.  I’m not sure why he wants me to write this letter now, he probably thinks that I will forget to do it over twelve years.  That’s not the point though, this letter is for you to know what I am feeling right now.  What I am thinking right now.  What I need you to know.

The day that Danno finally said yes to me, was the happiest day of my life.  Not just because I was finally going to marry that person that I love most, but because by him saying yes, I not only got a husband but his two beautiful children as well.  Your brother made it three shortly after.  

I was there the day that you were born.  I know by now you have heard this story a hundred times, but I have never told you this.  When you were born, the nurse came to us and asked if we wanted to hold you.  Danno let her think that he was your dad, and he said yes.  He was all holding you so tight that I was sure that he was going to break you.  When he looked up at me I saw the tears running down his cheeks and I knew he was wishing that you were his.  I did the only thing I could think of and took you out of his arms so I could hold you.  In an instant, I knew that very feeling.  You were perfect.  You turned your head into me like you knew that I was there to protect you and I could feel my heart breaking.  Not only for Danno but for everything that I would never get a chance to see you do.  By that time in your life, I was very close to Gracie.  I knew that she would be a part of my life for as long as I lived, and now I was wishing the same of her baby brother.  I didn’t think it was going to happen, but it did.  Danno lost seeing a lot of firsts by the time he learned the truth, but he has done his best not to miss anymore after that.  

But let him write his own letter.  I’m here to tell you how I feel.  Every time that I have to drop you off at your mother’s, it kills me.  Your brother has caught me crying many times after we leave her house.  I would let him drive me home not because I wanted him to get more experience driving, but because I couldn’t focus on the road and deal with missing you at the same time.  I know I am a sap, you’re not wrong.  Danno has made me this way.  I knew the day that you started calling me, “Daddy,” my whole world was complete.  When I come home and you run into my arms, there is no greater feeling. Thinking about you right now fills the void that I feel when you are not around.  You are my Baby Boy and you always will be.

I hope in these next few years I have told you that I love you at least three times a day.  I hope that you continue to Skype me even though we have told you not to do that during school.  I hope that you recognize the love and honor I have to call the three of you my children, with our last name no less, and seek that out someday with children of your own.  Not for another 30 years I hope.  But my biggest accomplishment will be seeing that you have grown up to be kind.  Danno is that best man I know, and you having his DNA confirms that you will grow up to be the best man you can be.  You are my son, and I love you more each day.

 

I love you Baby Boy,

Daddy


	17. Chapter 17

 

January 17th, 2018

7:00 am

Today is the big day. I still can't believe that Rachel agreed to let Grace and Charlie change their last names to McGarrett-Williams. I'm glad she did though, it is one thing that Steve and Gracie have been wanting for a long while. I've wanted it too, but I'm so tired of fighting with Rachel. Charlie is just a little confused about why his name is changing yet again. My little guy will be on his third name by the end of the day. Third name in 6 short years. 

Today is a good day, today is a happy day. Today the McGarrett-Williams family all becomes one. I wish my folks could be here. I wish Steve's Dad were here.

I wish Steve would quit yelling for me to hurry up.

 

 

January 17th, 2018

11:00 pm

Steve and I just wore each other out. Well, I wore him out because he's sound asleep, snoring softly into the corner of my pillow and I'm wide awake. I don't think I will ever get a handle on the insomnia thing. I just can't ever shut my brain down. Toady was one of the best days we have had as a family. We all finally have the same last name. All five of us.

_McGarrett-Williams._

I was waiting, _just waiting_ for Rachel to show up and say that she changed her mind, that it was all a mistake. It would be my luck. But she didn't. She stayed away and she let it happen. She finally let me have something. Maybe she feels like she owes me, I don't know. I don't care because it's now done, and she can't take it back.

I was shocked and taken aback to see our entire Ohana at the courthouse to offer us their support. Lou, Duke, Eric, Jerry, Tani, Junior, Flippa, Kamekona... our team, our friends. Steve and I are blessed to have such amazing people in our lives.

Gracie hasn't stopped smiling. Nahele hasn't stopped hugging any of us. I turn around and he has his arms wrapped around someone else. It must be so overwhelming for him. To have a family again, and not just a family but a family where every member has the same name. I'm just in awe at the growth and maturity of this kid who has experienced such a hard start to life. And then there's Charlie who clings to Steve like moss on a tree. He loves him so much. I always hear Steve tell Charlie he hopes he grows up just like me and it always makes me cringe a little. Just like me equals insomnia, anxiety, uncontrolled claustrophobia, worry till I make myself and everyone else around me crazy... No I want Charlie to grow up to be his own man, maybe pick up a few of Steve's good qualities along the way.

We had a cheer bag made for Monkey with our last name on it and I think all the neighbors heard her scream in excitement. I'm still puzzled how she knows 3000 people. That right there is one reason I can't sleep... thank you social media.

Without Steve none of this would be possible and if asked he would spin the bottle and turn it around and say without me it wouldn't be possible either. I love him so much sometimes it makes me stupid, and it makes my heart hurt for all the times I screw up unintentionally. I wasn't wrong when I said eight years ago I would have never called this place home, I would have never imagined spending anymore time here than I had to unless it meant seeing my daughter.

And then Steve happened.

And now we, together, the two of us have a family. And that family is the McGarrett-Williams. Steven, Daniel, Nahele, Grace, and Charles.

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We felt the missile false alarm that the people of Hawaii received needed to be dealt with by our guys... at the end of the day it's still not an easy discussion.

 

Text between Nahele and Grace

 

 

Back to Steve and Danno

 


	19. Chapter 19

 

January 19, 2018

10:15 pm

Steve has done his best to drag me away from my own thoughts. Stupid bike that I can't even put together by myself. If that doesn't make you feel like an epic failure. Charlie is going to want to ride the thing tomorrow and his father can't even put the damn thing together. Let it go... I'm just tired. I'll try again tomorrow.

 

Danny's answers to the questions asked earlier:

33-What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

~Our work with 5-0 and our family

32-Would you accept 20 years of extraordinary happiness and fulfillment if it meant you would die at the end of the period?

~No

3-If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?

~Nothing... some things you take to the grave

2-Do you believe in ghosts or evil spirits?

~ I don't want to believe they exist but I'm not going into a supposed haunted house to test out the theory either.

10-Which sex do you think has it easier in our culture?

~Definitely men

1-For a person you loved deeply, would you be willing to move to a distant country knowing there would be little chance of seeing your friends or family again?

~Tough one... I'd follow Steve anywhere, hell I already have to save his ass... but to follow him and never see my kids again... no I couldn't do it. Sorry babe, we would have the most amazing good-bye sex ever though...

15-Whom do you admire most?

~My mom. She's put up with a lot of shit over the years from all of us kids and more recently from Pop and she never gives up. Even when she thinks she's given up, she hasn't. And I admire Steve because he's tenacious as hell.

18-If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one ability or quality, what would it be?

~I'd like to say something smart like read minds or see the future, but what I'd really love is to gain the ability to let shit go. To be able to close my eyes at the end of the day like normal people and just sleep and not have my brain go off in ten different tangents at the same time, leaving me at the center of the hub trying to process it all. 

21-Do you prefer to be around men or women?

~Either

49-While parking late at night, you slightly scrape the side of a Porsche. You are certain no one else is aware of what happened. The damage is minor and would not be covered by insurance. Would you leave a note?

~ Absolutely

100-What do you most strive for in your life: accomplishment, security, love, power, excitement, or something else?

~Security and love

4-If you could spend one year in perfect happiness but afterward would remember nothing of the experience, would you do so?

~No because sometimes the bad days, make the good days that much better.

69-If a friend were almost always late, would you resent it or simply allow for it?

~Resent it and at the same time allow it because they are my friend.

123-When you do something ridiculous, how much does it bother you have other people notice it and laugh at you?

~When I do something ridiculous, it usually deserves to be laughed at.

50-If you could choose the manner of your death, what would it be?

~In my sleep.

163-If there were a public execution on television would you watch it.

~Depends on what the crime was for. 

169-How many times a day do you look in the mirror?

~Not so much mirrors but window reflections, reflections on the elevator doors... okay, way more than any man should.

77-Do you feel ill at ease going alone to either a dinner or a movie?

~Yes. I'd rather stay in than watch other people be happy when I'm miserable.

199-You are given one million dollars to donate anonymously to charity or to a stranger. How would you dispose of it?

~Homeless shelter because they don't receive enough help and they could help out a lot of people with that kind of money... which reminds me that I probably owe the swear jar a 20 from working on Charlie's bike.

 


	20. Chapter 20




	21. Chapter 21




	22. Chapter 22

January 22, 2018

5:25 am

I wake up expecting to find Steve in bed with me and turn over to wrap my arm around him to pull him close and find Gracie in his place. Then I remembered about the rat, mouse on steroids… dead thing that killed our washer. I can’t help but smile as I tuck a stray strand of hair behind Grace’s ear, still completely dead to the world.

Steve and I had just gotten back to the house from the beach, shook the sand out of the blanket and hung it up on the lanai to dry. We tossed our empty beer bottles in the recycle bin and headed upstairs to get out of our sticky clothes. Definitely in need of a shower after our rendezvous on the beach. We step into our bedroom and find not only Charlie but Gracie as well in our bed. We let them sleep and figure they will wake up once they hear the shower running and move to their own beds. Yeah right, what were we thinking? We come out of the bathroom after I insisted on a twenty-minute shower. Steve’s 3-minute SEAL shower was not going to cut it tonight. We are both dressed in pajama pants and our t-shirts and both kids are still sound asleep. An earthquake couldn’t wake them up.

Steve looks at me and pats me on the back and then chuckles softly saying, “There is no way we are all going to fit, and Gracie will freak if she wakes up and one of us isn’t here to protect her from the grandfather mouse on steroids.” He plants a kiss on both kids’ foreheads, then plants one on me and strolls down the hallway and climbs into Grace’s bed. I push Charlie to the middle of the bed and reclaim what little of my pillow I can from under his head. Dead weight is not easy to reposition, regardless of the child’s size. I close my eyes and try my best to drift off to sleep.

When I wake up, it’s just Grace in bed with me and I wonder for a moment what happened to Charlie until I hear Steve down the hall grumbling about feet in the throat and how in the world does he sleep like that. Charlie found his way to him at some point in the night. Knees in the back or throat are no fun and I empathize with him in silence. I can hear him moving around and I’m only assuming he’s trying to readjust Charlie’s feet out of his throat. It’s still another hour before he gets up to swim and I can hear the rustling of covers die down and know they are both asleep again.

I can’t fall back to sleep, and my mind wanders back to the evening spent on the beach with my love. Yesterday was a bit of a rough day. Steve took Monkey driving and Nahele for whatever reason thought it would be a great idea to tag along. Mistake on his part. He was giving me a play by play of what was going on and somehow, I end up pissing Steve off when they get home. He was so excited to take her and then comes home in a strange mood that I can’t get a hold on. He ends up outside with Charlie thinking I’ve left him by himself which pisses me off even further because I’m not that stupid to leave my kid alone by the ocean or alone in general.

So, I’m in the garage looking for the Peyton Manning football to show the boys when I get a long string of apologetic messages from him and it hits me. I’m jealous of him. Plain and simple. And I know that is all kinds of wrong and stupid and irrational but in my head, it makes sense. He’s doing all the things I’m supposed to be doing with the kids as their father and it burns that it has been taken away from me, unintentionally on his part. They are growing up so quickly and I feel like all the important things to teach them have been taken away from me.

It’s really hard for me to share them. I apologize to Steve and he gets it.

And then I’m pissed off at Rachel for wanting to go out with her friends when we were supposed to take Charlie home. She couldn’t have gone out Friday or Saturday? It just pisses me off even more because as much as I want him full time, I know he still needs his mother. I couldn’t live without my mom. 

So, Steve reads him a story and I head to the beach with a beer.

I was staring out at the ocean for a while and was beginning to wonder if he chose to read him the dictionary or something equally lengthy because I felt like I had been out here alone for hours. Then I feel these strong arms wrap themselves around my chest in a backwards hug and I can smell him. I turn around to hug him properly and he takes a step back and apologizes. I’m thrown for a second when he says, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I confused you with someone else.” I call him a putz, give him my biggest smile and hand him his beer. Steve took his beer and my free hand and led me down the beach.

We walked for a while, hand in hand, matching step for step which felt strange at first because Steve’s legs are so much longer than mine. Then I realized he was taking shorter strides than usual, so I could keep pace with him. I stop when I realize we are getting far too close to the neighbor’s plot of beach and head back towards our home. I’m a man with a plan. We walk past our house a little way to a secluded spot where I have a single tiki torch lit and a blanket spread out in the sand. The house is full of kids and I needed a few moments alone with my husband to apologize.

Steve is almost speechless and says I keep surprising him. Then he says as much as he’d love to do something with me, he doesn’t want to give Joe’s people a show. I pull him into a kiss and tell him that Joe has probably already seen it all. Steve pulled back and reminds me he’s like a father to him. I get it. I wouldn’t want to make out with my husband if I knew my father figure was watching me. I asked him if we can just lay on the blanket for a while and he smiles that beautiful smile, plops down and pulls me down with him.

It doesn’t take but a minute before I’m straddling Steve’s hips, all hard and hot and bothered. “What about Joe?” I ask Steve as he’s pulling at the back of my neck to deepen my kiss.

He shifts in frustration and pulls back so he can answer. “I’ll call him and warn him not to watch the video. And if he is watching live, which he probably is, he’s probably clapping his hands thinking ‘That’s my boy.’”

That was all I needed to hear, and it was game on. I tell Steve in between kisses that Joe’s guys need to hang it up and that we can take care of ourselves. I can see the wheels in Steve’s brain turning that maybe I’m right but then his eyes flutter and it’s just the two of us again.

I’m grinding my hips into his and I can tell he’s close. His breathing is fast and ragged and matches mine.

“You really should have made Charlie sleep in his own bed,” Steve groans into my ear as I’m assaulting his neck with kisses that are sure to leave a mark. “You can always move him,” I tell him in return.”

Steve puts his hand over my heart and I can feel it racing against the palm of his hand. He brushes his cheek against mine and it’s as if he is listening to me breath. I am… strong and steady. I know neither of us are going to last much longer.

“Together,” he whispers into my ear and I know exactly what he is asking. I ask him if he’s close and he responds with a simple nod as his grip on me tightens. The moonlight bouncing off the ocean waves is all I need to see Steve clearly. His fingers dig and pull at my t-shirt at his release which causes me to lose it as well. I fall onto his chest, spent and then he’s laughing that we even thought we could make it back to our bedroom before we were on top of each other. We’ve got it bad for each other.

Steve says we need a shower and I agree whole-heartedly and then I’m looking down at ourselves and the mess we’ve made in our jeans and all I can think for a brief moment is ‘how gross and the washer won’t be here until Tuesday.’

“That’s what you bump on?” Steve asks as he helps me to my feet.

It was so worth it. We can still move Charlie and we can also still shower together.

Stupid mouse on steroids had to go and fuck up our washer… but that gives me ideas.

 


	23. Chapter 23

 

January 23, 2018

10:15 pm

Parenting is hard. Parenting one kid is hard, three is damn near impossible. You never know if you're doing the right thing. I love them so damn much but God it's difficult. Especially when you have to discipline. I can still hear Grace pouting that we took her door off. I say we because that was Steve and my agreement if she continued to slam her bedroom door. It comes off. I look back and I sometimes wonder how Ma and Pop survived me. I wasn't the easiest kid to deal with, obviously grew out of my rebellious ways.

But days like today, I wish Ma was here to point me in the right direction or Pop here to let me know we are doing the right thing. I miss them. Steve has had a crash course in parenting and I know he doubts himself much more than I do. His love for these kids is unmatchable.

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny goes back to the sleep therapist today and Steve gets reading time with Charlie's class again.


	25. Chapter 25

 

 


	26. Chapter 26




	27. Chapter 27




	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date day/night courtesy of Joe...


	29. Chapter 29




	30. Chapter 30

 


	31. Chapter 31

Steve on left, Danny on the right

 

Steve on left/Danny on the right

 

 

 

 


End file.
